Signora Sheila

Some time ago, I came across a post which intrigued me: Which Lord of the Rings Personality Are You? I’d heard of personality types and tests, but dismissed them as a lot of nonsense. But The Lord of the Rings? They had me hooked there! 

Now, if you’re not familiar with The Lord of the Rings you might want to check out the books or movies before reading any further. Or better yet, just look them up. It’ll be be a lot faster since they’re all epic in length!

You can also take the personality test here. I did, convinced that I would be Frodo! How I longed to be that noble little hobbit, saving the world!

But to my dismay, I came out as the Elven Queen Galadriel. Because honestly, she’s one character who kind of scares of me! Although I must say that I was consoled by at least getting a hobbit husband!

Now if you’re wondering what all this has to do with porcelain plates, read on…

As an ESFJ type, Hubby tested out as Bilbo! Which means he’s conventional, consistent, and holds to tradition. And romantic. Dates and celebrations (which I tend to forget) mean a lot to him. So he also likes to hold on to heirlooms and mementos, like Mamma’s china.

Whereas I (an INFJ type) tend to see mementos as unnecessary clutter. There’s a whole new world out there to explore and discover. Why hold on to things that will only hold me back?

But getting back to the plates…

Well, several years ago we took over the care of Hubby’s old family home in southern Italy, and all the work that came with it. The house was filthy, in bad repair, and full of mold and mildew due to the leaky roof. On top of that, there was alot of junk and stuff and to sort through and get rid of – mostly dumped there by generous? cousins.

100 plates

And then I found the plates. Plates of all kinds. Some cheap and nicked, and some nearly complete sets in good condition. But mostly all mismatched – and way too many. I know, because I counted over 100! Now, I ask you – who in the world needs that many plates?

All of all created a big dilemma for Minimalist Me. What was I going to do with all those dishes that I neither wanted nor needed?!

So I kept what I felt we would actually use. The rest I temporarily stuck in the basement. A quandary to be dealt with another time, when my plate (no pun intended) was less full.

In the end, my daughter took the beautiful, nearly complete set of vintage dinnerware for 12. And I gave the rest away. After all, we had no intention of ever opening an agriturismo or B&B.

And then we started noticing a nostalgic look in Hubby’s eyes when he used those plates. Until it finally came out that they were his mother’s dishes. I don’t why he hadn’t mentioned that! But needless to say, Anne and I swapped plates, and Mamma’s China came home for good.

I know that Hubby would hate to see happen to those plates. They help him keep Mamma’s memory near and bring her just a little closer. When he holds them, he sees them in his mother’s hands.

“Chip the glasses and break the plates, that’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!”

Bilbo, JRR Tolkien

Which is a concept I don’t fully understand. To me they were and are, just plates. Sure they’re fine antique porcelain. And it is special that belonged to my mother-in-law. But I don’t need things to keep the past alive for me, for it lives vividly in my heart and overactive imagination.

Plates and things like that (no matter whose they were) hold no real meaning for me. They just don’t have the same pull that his mother’s china has for him, because I don’t need things to keep memories alive for me.

The gift of understanding

The special thing for me was being able to give them to my husband, along with the gift of understanding. I may not want a lot of sentimental mementos around, because memories will always live on in my mind and heart. But he loves those things.

I’m glad I learned about personality traits. It helped me see all of our quirks and tendencies in a whole new way. Because we’re all really a weird mix of quirks.

In The Hobbit, the wizard Gandalf wanted to take Bilbo with him to help the Dwarves reclaim their homeland. But Bilbo was reluctant. So Gandalf asked him, “When did doilies and your mother’s dishes become so important to you?” My husband is a bit like that. Fond of his routines and sometimes clinging to keepsakes, like this mother’s china.

But he’s also quick to leave his precious doilies and china to help anyone in need. Just like Bilbo did in answering the call to fighting bravely to help the Dwarves. When the call comes, my Hubby is right there on the fighting line.

“You’ve been sitting quietly for far too long. Tell me. When did doilies and your mother’s dishes become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods.”

Gandalf, JRR Tolkien

So I’ve learned it’s worth having patience, overlooking quirks, and even *gasp from Minimalist Me* putting up with some clutter. Because underneath it all that we’ll usually discover a lot of hidden treasure.

I was blessed to be able to give the gift of Mamma’s China knowing that it brought joy. And I’ll be on the lookout for other such gifts. Because even when we don’t fully understand, we can still share in another’s joy. And joy shared is always joy doubled!

Love is taking a few steps backward, maybe even more… to give way to the happiness of the one you love!

A.A. Milne

📷 Image credits: dishes & pumpkin; piles of plates; others are mine