Children often think grandmothers are the most wonderful women in the world. But I can’t help but wonder if my kids have ever thought, “That’s not the same woman who raised me!”
Windows wide open to a soft, gentle breeze. Spring had come! My favorite time of the year. And what better time to do spring cleaning? But what does cleaning have to do with grandkids? Well, read on…
I was in the middle of my “Pulizie di Pasqua (Easter/spring cleaning) plus a major de-cluttering operation. So I had taken a few things over to my daughter’s house. Including a padded envelope that my four-year-old granddaughter grabbed and tore apart!
But I hadn’t noticed what she was doing. I was too engrossed in hearing about my son-in-law’s escapade of falling up the stairs. (And yes, he did fall UP the stairs – he’s a very talented guy!)
“Why are you destroying that envelope?” I finally asked. To which she replied, “Can’t you tell? I’m getting to the bubbles!” It hadn’t occurred to her she was doing wrong. Her one thought was popping those precious bubblewrap bubbles!
Not the same woman
And then I realized that my daughter probably thought, “That’s not MY mom!” Because I’m not the same person I was when I was raising my own kids. I probably would have made a big deal out of that envelope. But I now know that a silly little envelope isn’t that important. Certainly not something to get upset about! And why is that? Because I am not the same woman I was then!
I have Grandma eyes now.
My parental vision was often burred. Overwhelmed by duties, responsibilities, expectations, and fatigue I often couldn’t see beyond the end of my own nose! But as a grandmother, able to step back from all that, I can see the bigger picture. I see further down the road and imagine the long-term effects of my current actions.
Two distinct advantages of Grandparent Eyes:
1. Less responsiblity
We get to enjoy the kids without the huge parental responsibility of having to raise them right. And that can help us to step back, reflect, and react with more logic.
To my regret, I haven’t always been a logical parent. I sometimes made mountains out of molehills, overreacted, or spoke harshly.
Not that children should be allowed to do whatever they want, or be without discipline. They need to learn right from wrong. But my granddaughter hadn’t been told not to destroy the envelope. So she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. She was just four-years-old and didn’t think to ask.
2. Greater objectivity
Objectivity allows us to see the child’s point of view. And that helped me realize that my granddaughter wasn’t trying to misbehave. That her only thought was to get to those bubbles. And it helped me remember that it was nothing but a little envelope that would end up being thrown away anyway. Definitely not a big deal.
But harsh words and actions are a big deal. They can linger in young hearts for a lifetime.
How often I have wished that I could go back in time and retrieve all the harsh, impatient, and unking words I have uttered. But I can’t, and all I can do is pray that the Lord will heal the hurt the likely caused. And try to better now and in the future.
So what did I tell my granddaughter? “Enjoy your bubbles!” Spring cleaning, a granddaughter, and a padded envelope helped me change my perspective. And made me rejoice that I’m no longer the woman who raised my own children!
Sometimes patience requires stopping to see things from a new perspective, and through the eyes of others.
While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about.
Angela Schwindt
Signora Sheila 
10 responses to “That’s Not My Mom!”
I definitely think we gain more objectivity with age and experience. I don’t have any grandchildren yet, but there are 20 years between my oldest and my youngest, and I was a lot more uptight with the first 5 than I have been with the youngest 4. My oldest daughter comments that I am a different mom, but that’s not a bad thing. I pray that the older girls learn to be more relaxed by example, since we still have littles around. And I trust that God knew what he was doing, giving them to us in the order that he did! :)
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I hear you, Linda. Of course having only 2 kids, I can’t say I did better with the later ones. But I did experience that between kids and grandkids. I was SO uptight with my kids, thinking (I guess) that I had to prove myself as a super mom. The poor things were like little soldiers sometimes! :| But you’re right, we do have to trust that God always had everything under control. And thankfully, he knows how to turn our mistakes around and create something beautiful from them. That is such a great consolation in so many areas of my life. He is able!
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Grandparenting is a lovely blessing! I especially appreciate the opportunity to just enjoy the grands–blow bubbles, do puzzles, play games together, etc. The first time around with our sons and daughter there was so much else to do, time for play was limited. I’m also more aware these days of how quickly the growing-up years fly by, and am more intentional about savoring the moments. Yes, I’m different too than the woman who raised her kids! P.S. Love that Angela Schwindt quote!
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You got that right, Nancy. As we age we do become more aware of how quickly time passes. I wish I could have had more sense to cherish moments, instead of always having to do and have things “right.” What will kids really remember anyway? A spotless home or kissing their boo-boos away? Gourmet meals or impromptu picnics? And yes, that quote actually holds more truth than we often realize. Kids have a way of stripping things down to the basics. It’s we adults who muddy the waters with so many unessentials! So enjoy your bubbles, puzzles, and games. You are building great memories!!
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Oh you were a parent who wasn’t always logical, kind and gentle? Me too! Part of it was having so much to learn but part was being tired, confused and overwhelmed with the work of parenting. Thank God for grandparents who come along side and help us and our kids to grow up with both grace and discipline!
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I hear you Pastor Pete, I too was confused and overwhelmed with the work of parenting. It was often a great struggle. It didn’t help, I’m sure, that we didn’t have any family nearby. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles can make such a big difference. I grew up surrounded by all kinds of family, and my grandparents, aunts, and uncles played a big role in my life. And I’m sure were a big help to my parents. We were all alone, often tired and overwhelmed – and dealing with culture, language, and finance issues on top ot it. It’s actually a wonder that our kids turned out so well!
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I’m sure our grown sons feel the same about their dad and me. Grand-parenting comes after years of “trials and errors” as we lovingly try to raise our children the best way we know how. When they grow up and become these terrific adults, maybe we relax a bit, knowing God helps the parents whose heart is set on raising their children to honor Him! And the blessings of being a parent and a grandparent are just amazing, aren’t they?! Thank you for this post.
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I never thought about it that way before Doris. But I think you’re right. We do relax knowing that our kids turned out pretty good. Plus we see more and more that it’s because the Lord helped us every step of the way. And yes, grandparenting & parenting are wonderful. I just wish mine weren’t halfway around the world!
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What a beautiful perspective to have with kids. It’s easy to get annoyed and see how children disrupt us, but if we took time to listen to their reasoning we really would learn a lot. :)
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Yes, we could and and often do learn a lot from them. I wish I would have known more of this when my own kids were little.
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