Do you know the story of The Little Engine That Could? The little train in this children’s story discovered he could do anything by first convincing himself that he could. So he went around continually repeating, “I think I can, I think I can…”
It’s a great story for teaching children to tune out discouraging voices and believe in their ability. And it worked for the little engine! (You can read the book here!)
Real character change
But has this ever helped you with character change?
It has never helped me! Although it is true that if we think we can’t do something, we probably won’t be able to do it.
Real change requires more than pep talks! I know this because I have struggled with lack of self-control over anger, and the guilt that comes with it. Even though I kept trying to convince myself that I could do better!
Then I discovered 7 useful tools for breaking through anger to lasting self-control So if you are struggling in this area, open the tool box and start hammering your way to a breakthrough!
7 tools for breaking through anger
Of course as Christ followers, before even open the toolbox, we must seek the Lord’s help and presence. He is the only one who can help us truly grow and change.
1. Learn to count again.
No, I’m not kidding. Pausing to count can help until we learn how to properly deal with anger, which is often a reflexive response. Taking a moment to count and reflect, creates a moment to overcome that impulse and act with calm reason – not a carnal reaction.
So take a deep breath and ask yourself “Is this really such a bid deal?” If the answer is no, then these simple tools can help.
2. Stop blaming others!
No one else can make you angry. You choose to give in to this usually negative emotion or behavior. None of us can honestly say, “YOU made me angry!” People and circumstances can indeed be upsetting, but they do not control us. And we cannot blame them for our own actions or reactions!
3. Own your anger.
The anger you feel is real (whether justified or not) and needs to be dealt with. Holding it in only makes us like champagne bottles ready to burst. Then when we finally do express it, we’re more likely to explode with unkindness, sarcasm, or even violence.
4. Handle the issue without blaming.
Learn to deal with the problem without asssigning blame. Avoid saying things like, “You did this or that, and so you made me angry.
Instead, say something like, “I feel really angry and upset about this situation right now.” This way you own your anger, without blaming them. And it lets the other person know that you’re trying to deal with it appropriately.
Unlike blaming, this paves the way for reconciliation and bridge-building. And it gives the other person a chance to acknowledge and deal with his or her own wrongness in the situation.
But remember, we cannot change others, only ourselves.
5. Follow the Golden Rule.
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Remembering that we also do wrong can help us extend grace, love, and forgiveness. The Lord is always ready and willing to forgive us, and to help us forgive others.
6. Put on your company manners.
We often react worst with the people we know best, because we’re more relaxed with them. So sometimes the people we love the most receive our worst treatment. Pause and remember to treat them like the precious treasures they really are! And remember, a soft answer turns away wrath.
7. Finally, remember to tell yourself, “I know I can!”
Not that senseless repetition will enable you. But it is almost impossible to accomplish anything unless we first believe that we can.
I don’t want to be a harsh person who lashes out with anger or impatience. And I’m sure you don’t either. So the next time you feel trapped by your own unkindness, animosity, or wrongdoing, reach into your toolbox and start hammering your way to true freedom from anger!
When you feel locked into your own unkindness, animosity, or wrongdoing – dig into the “Breaking Through Anger Toolbox” and hammer your way to a real breakthrough! And may the sun never set on our wrath!
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Signora Sheila 
5 responses to “7 Tools for Breaking Through Anger {Video}”
I loved that book! It reminded me that my circumstances didn’t define me. And now, as you share about anger, It’s even more obvious that He is greater than our circumstances. Seven very valuable tools, my friend. Thank you.
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My kids loved it too, Dayle! It was a favorite. I’m glad you liked my tool box. It sure has been useful to me. And yes, God can help us overcome even our circumstances!!
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I love this!!! Ever since 7th grade, I remember in Health class, we were told to use, “I,” statements, instead of “You,” statements in regards to how we feel. We go from accusing to discussing.
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Wow TR, what wise teachers you had. Wish I had had them too. It took most of my life for me to learn that, and a lot of anguish I put myself, but especially others through. But then, when I was in school, we didn’t have a Health class. Too bad!
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I recall our health book had that section of how to cover arguments and feelings. I was surprised how many struggled, especially my (ex) best friend at the time. She always used, “You,” statements accusing me of every single thing. Hopefully, health classes have only gotten better on communication skills. :)
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