I can still see her, old and frail, limping up the steep hill with her homemade canes. “What do you have there, Zia (Auntie)?” my Hubby asked, pointing at the mesh bag on her kerchief-covered head. I just gaped, wondering how many nasty things had been on that seldom-washed, filthy headscarf!
“Oh rabbit droppings for my plants,” she replied casually. “Just let me put it down, and I’ll make some coffee!” she announced, obviously pleased to have visitors. As a newcomer to Italy, I was dreading the obligatory cup of espresso, for which I still hadn’t developed a taste.
That nasty scarf
And then Zia blew her nose with the disgusting kerchief and plopped it back on her head.
That’s when I started struggling to keep my breakfast down. And wondered if I liked my husband’s hometown at all!
Meanwhile, without even washing her hands, the auntie happily arranged sugar and spoons on her finest tray. “It’ll be ready in a minute,” she assured us. Apparently unaware that her American visitor was visibly gagging by this time.
“That’s fine Zia,” my Hubby assured her, “we’re in no hurry.”
“You can say that again,” I thought. I hoped the coffee would never come! But on the other hand, if she hurried, we could get out of there. Away from Auntie and her all-purpose rag!
We can not run away
But it was when she rinsed the cups and dried them with that cloth (what else?) that I almost bolted!
I had never so horrified in my life! Rabbit droppings, dirt, snot, and I was afraid to think what else! We could not drink this coffee. It would be like signing our own death warrant!
And that was when I must have started making strange little choking noises, because my husband finally noticed my obvious distress. “I cannot and will not drink that coffee!” my eyes flashed a silent message.
“But you must,” his look answered. “She’ll be very offended if you don’t!” Although I was pretty sure she would be even more offended if I threw up all over the place!
But he was right. That distant relative was so happy that we’d come from America to visit her. And she tried very hard to give us her best.
So I began to pray for strength. Strength to drink the coffee and keep it down! And a miracle, I needed a miracle! Because I knew I did not have that kind of strength. But my faith is so small that I don’t always expect to get what I pray for. And to this day I’m still amazed that I got that coffee down!
Needless to say, we survived that coffee, and it did two great things for us. First, it made the auntie’s day.
Learning to cope
And it taught us that it’s not really all that hard to deal with the little difficulties that come our way, even culture shock.
All we really have to do is take our eyes off our problems, stop focusing on how we feel, and think of others and how we can bless them.
That and similar efforts gradually helped us fit in, slowly endearing us to the people’s hearts. And them to ours! Which made even drinking something so unsavory, and possibly risky, so worthwhile!
You never know how much small acts of kindness can touch a heart! And they can also help us find our way in new and strange circumstances. And even begin to feel at home in them!
So when you are struggling to adapt to new or difficult circumstances, remember to look beyond yourself and your difficulties! See who you have in front of you and their need for love and friendship.
Postscript: The real auntie of this story, if she were still alive, would be over 100 years old. She came from a time when people rarely bathed. They had to carry and heat water for bathing, washing and cooking. Rags were used and reused because washing them was a lot of work. Auntie didn’t want to be dirty. She just never kept up with the times! And she was a sweet and loving person.
Signora Sheila 
22 responses to “The Old Auntie’s Kerchief: The Power of Love”
I never tire of this! Thank you for sharing it again, my friend. It takes me away from impressions and puts me in mind of the importance of the heart. Someone once said my expectations are colored by my experiences. What I need is to color my experiences by the perspective of the Lord!
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Thanks Dayle! What a lot of patient followers I have that are willing to put up with all my reposts. You are all amazing!! What a great word you were given, my friend. It’s true, our experiences do color our thoughts and expectations. May the Lord teach grant us a brand new color filter – one that sees through his heart and mind! I love that thought!!
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Love this!
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Thanks, it really is a great little story. I’m so glad I ran across it long ago!
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Wonderful story and point. Thanks for sharing. Reminded me a little of a hot cup of ginger tea served with salt I somehow drank while in Nepal. It is all about us learning how to learn how to love. Blessings
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Wow Pastor Pete, I never heard of ginger with salt. I’m guessing it wasn’t very good, at least to your tastebuds! And yes, it is all about learning how to love. It’s worth putting up with minor discomforts if it’s for the good of another! Blessings to you too!
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We moved to Italy and found the house where we would live in Dardago, a 700-year-old town. The landlord took us to the basement and would not sign the papers until we downed a bottle of grappa. We had to hold our breath and think of pleasant thoughts to get it down. It was a miracle that we did not get sick. We enjoyed 3 wonderful years in that house and 3 years of daily visits from Signore Janna.
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That surely was a test – even more for me. I don’t like coffee of any kind. Because of that I was once told I would never make it as a missionary.
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Yes, it was a test – and good for me! But I don’t know about not making it as a missionary because of coffee – some countries prefer tea, lol! The important thing, though, is going above and beyond to show love!mycammino
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True. Often we look only at how things affect us.
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Kudos to you Sheila for your godly courage and strength–to drink that cup of coffee! (And praise Him you did not get sick!)
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Thanks Nancy, but we both know where the strength came from! And yes, praise God we didn’t get sick! Just goes to show that the human body can stand a lot!
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Ciao, thank you for following my blog. I can’tpromise oodles of new material but something now and then will get through the busy days. Your life in Italy looks aas if it has been a wonderful adventure. I’m so glad you added the note to the end of this page. It would be so easy for others to judge la Zia otherwise.
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Thanks Margie! Yes, I too thought it was important to add that note. I didn’t want her to be incorrectly judged, and her habits were really just a result of her cultural background. She, along with many of the older residents, had some very interesting ways about them. I’ll have to try to include some of the other stories! I’m looking forward to seeing more peeks from your window too!
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I can’t imagine, having never been in a situation close to that. But I suppose all the more reason I can relate to your initial reaction in that environment. Praise the Lord for being your strength and using this as not only a lesson for you, but you can share with others. 💗💗
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Amen, T.R.! It was only God’s strength that God me through that! And that strength is always available whenever we call on him!
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This had me laughing out loud. Your description was priceless. Dear Auntie acted as she normally did–and how often does my normal not gel with someone else’s. I love your take on how to approach new circumstances–we here in America are way too self-focused and need to choose to see things through the eyes of others. Then kindness will come more easily. You are a hoot and a holler, my friend.
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You know what it means to be kind, my friend.
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Well, I’m learning anyway, Dayle! Funny thing is, I have to keep repeating the lessons!
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Thanks Dayle! I laugh about it now, but then I just wanted to get away and return home. And I don’t think being self-centered is limited to any location. It’s just our human nature. The only thing that really helped me get past that was knowing that my reaction could make or break any future relationship with her and others in the town. And because we really did want to show her love, and God’s love too.
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and faith overcame fear! What a wonderful story of your kind, loving heart being so willing to share God’s love with this sweet lady!
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Trust me Doris, it was God’s love coming through me. I just wanted to run away. Far from the aunty and her kerchief!! lol!
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