I have a problem with her (I must confess). The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. She did everything right and never did anything wrong. She probably thought it was a disgrace to get out of bed later than sunrise. Never a hair out of place. Always kind and never a wrong word. And I’m sure she never yelled at her children!
Always working, never idle. I’m sure she coined the term “busy as a bee” and made coffee breaks and take-out pizza taboo.
But me? I thrive on coffee breaks, love pizza to go, and enjoy reading or watching a movie in my free time. And I wonder if my kids ever thought that yelling was the only volume I had.
Is it any wonder that I don’t like her?
She makes me feel lazy, frumpy, and feckless!
And I know plenty of women who share my feelings! But it’s best to make peace with her. Because this ideal woman isn’t going away, thanks to the book of Proverbs.
If you’re like me you read Proverbs 31 and think, “I’m determined to become a better cook and housekeeper! I’ll even learn to knit! I’m going to watch my tongue more carefully. And I’ll find ways to help the poor.”
Why, I’ll become such a model woman that my family will hardly recognize me!
But I always fall short of my lofty goals! We still get pizza to go. And as for knitting, don’t even bother looking for knitting needles in my house!
No one can do everything
This model woman was the quintessential executive and homemaker. But it seems that even she couldn’t do everything.
We don’t see her babysitting for friends.
The children in the neighborhood didn’t seem to gather around her for stories or fun activities. I’ve known women whose homes are so full of children that it’s hard to tell which ones are theirs. I admire their gift, but I’d go crazy!
Nor are we told that she was like the Shunamite woman.
The hospitable woman in 2 Kings who made a special guest room for the prophet Elisha. We don’t even know if this exemplary woman had a guest room!
Some women, however, have made hospitality an art. They go out of their way to make people feel at home, and they have a real knack for it.
No imitations
There is much to learn from the woman in Proverbs 31. But the most important thing I’ve learned is that God does not make imitations. Each of His creations is a unique and authentic masterpiece, including you and me.
So why would the Lord want us to become copies of the virtuous woman, or any other woman?
God has a special plan for each of our lives. He wants us to be ourselves, as He created us. Not a copy of someone else.
He has given each of us unique strengths and talents. And He expects us to use and improve those gifts with whole-hearted diligence. To always do our best, in the things we excel at, and even in the things we enjoy least, like cooking is for me.)
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.
Ecclesiastes 9:10
My daughter encouraged me one day by telling me that she grew up thinking I loved to cook. “That I love to cook? Me?” I asked her in disbelief. “But you were always cooking, poring over recipe books and meal plans!” she explained. And it’s true.
With our low budget and ever-hungry kids, I had to! And I am an excellent cook (necessity is a great teacher). But I certainly don’t love to cook! I just tried to do the best I could. (In between coffee breaks and pizza to go, that is!)
Doing our best for the glory and honor of God is what makes a woman truly worthy. One who tries to do the right thing and cares about others. And who, though mediocre in many things, strives to be a good steward of her God-given gifts. A woman who does her very best – in her own unique and special way.
Those who know such a woman will rise up and call her blessed. Her works will praise her. And her heart will be at rest, knowing that her life is pleasing to the Lord.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels…. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’
Proverbs 31:10, 28-29
📷 Image credits: knitting; skeins of yarn is mine
Signora Sheila 
24 responses to “I Do Not Like That Proverbs Woman”
My favourite interpretation I have heard of this chapter of the Bible was a couple of years ago, when a very wise older man encouraged our Bible study group to look at this passage with New Testament eyes. He said, “What if this is a picture of the Church – the Bride of Christ?” I loved this, as I find that woman intimidating too. But I’m very happy to be part of the Bride of Christ, and together we do ALL those things and more!
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Yes, I’ve heard that interpretation as well, Johanna. And it could definitely fit. For as you say, together we can do ALL those things and more! But on a personal level, the Model Women can be quite intimidating! Thanks for giving us something to ponder!
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I too have heard Proverbs 31 explained in light of time–lots of time. Nowhere in the chapter does it say she accomplishes all this activity in one day, one week, or even one month. And you’re right, Sheila. There are many worthwhile achievements and positive character traits not even mentioned. Then there’s the point made by your daughter’s impression that you loved to cook. What others see is often more positive than we realize! We are our own worst critics. Thank you for helping us put the Proverbs 31 Woman in her proper place, Sheila, as an example of SOME ways to live purposefully and usefully, but by all means not ALL.
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Thanks so much, dear Nancy, for your encouragement. I definitely am my own worst critic. But you’re right, the impression others get of us is often more accurate than the negative lies about ourselves that we heed. The Proverbs woman is a marvelous example – but as you say, even she didn’t accomplish all that she did in only one day!!
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Your title almost made me spit out my coffee. 🤣 I’ve felt that way too! I heard someone speculate once that she was a conglomeration of many women who please God. I’m not sure if that is true, but it helped me to enjoy spending time with her a bit more. As life changes, I accomplish and struggle differently. If I end my life, having been all the facets of a Prov. 31 wife at some time or another, I will be thankful. I don’t think God wanted us striving to be her as much as striving to be like Jesus. Wouldn’t that make her an idol? And I love how you pointed out virtues that God loves which she doesn’t seem to explore.
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Thanks Mamalava! That’s an interesting thought about her being a conglomeration of many women. I have also read that the depiction of her was possibly scenes from different times or seasons of her life. I can see how either perspective could be valid. But I’m with you in that I hope to manifest some of her facets at some time in my life. Which in the end adds up to being more like Jesus. And that will be our life-long striving!
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What a great perspective Sheila. I never thought of the fact that there is no Proverbs ideal man (maybe Solomon forgot to add another chapter). But then again, I feel pretty intimidated by Paul’s example and feel just a shade more comfortable with his younger protege Timothy. I take courage from Paul’s admonition to him to stir up the gift in you. We each have our own little spark and can only stir up the fire of what God has given us. Great post Sheila, thanks! Got a busy day ahead and I need to stir up some stuff, so I’ve got to go now!
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I love your perspective, Pastor Pete. I also never thought about their being no ideal man in Proverbs. But now I wonder how many men would struggle with him! Like you said, the apostle Paul is probably enough for all us (men and women alike) to deal with! Happy stirring – and let’s remember to stir every day!!
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I love that you tackled this “phantom” of a woman with humor and grace for she was amazing. But you’re so right–we each have been gifted with what the Lord chose to invest in us of Himself, and that is what we need to focus on. Wholeheartedly. And your gifts come out loud and clear in your wisdom, practicality, humor, and the love you have for Jesus and everyone around you. Thanks, Sheila! Wonderfully said!
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Thanks Dayle! She really was amazing. But she can be hard to dearl with. May the Lord help us to understand what he has for us and then give our all to it. Because in that way, we too can become like this phantom!!
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As many, MANY messages I have heard on this chapter, this is the first time I’ve heard this set of insights on it! So very blessed by it! Thank you, Sheila ❤
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Thanks Jennifer, it helped me a lot to bring her down to a more human level. As great as all the biblical heroes were, they were only human. And based on the lives of Peter, David, and the others had many failings. Yet she is a glorious example for us to strive toward!
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Amen and amen! So, so good. Thank you again :) <3
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I get your point here…I am sure you are a fine wife for God…don’t beat yourself up! <3
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Aw, thanks! I do my best and am certainly grateful for the Lord’s help and the assurance that he will always be an ever-present help! In him, we can do all things!
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AMEN! God bless you sister I look forward to more of your posts
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And I to yours!
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Interesting and helpful take on Mrs Proverbs 31! I must admit she’s rubbed me the wrong way too😉
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I think she’s problematic for a lot of women, Vanessa. I admire her and continually try to become more like her. While grateful that the Lord’s plan excellence for each of us can be different. He did’t make me Business Woman Extraordinaire; I’d bankrupt the business and melt under the pressure. I thank him for teaching me to excell in the way he’s made me! That’s what Mrs. Proverbs taught me! :)
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And may I say, you’re doing very well in your own lane😉
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Thanks Vanessa. As long as God is in it with me, that’s what counts. He will lead me safely forward!
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I’ve always held that woman in Proverbs in high esteem, the perfect example of what I want to be. I love the idea that she runs her household well, but that she also runs a successful business as well. She is wise, capable, and confident. My hero, although I have a long way to go. Love your post, Sheila
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I agree Susan. She is to be held in high honor and esteem. But she’s also discouraging when I compare myself to her too much! I have a long way to go too! It’s great that we have wonderful sisters to encourage us along the way!!
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Amen to that!
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