My children are grown and gone. I now have adult grandchildren. And yet, that voice that so many mothers know so well accuses me. It’s the voice that shouts, “You weren’t a good mom, and you still aren’t.”
In my recent reading on parenting, one theme came through loud and clear. And for me, the following post title summed it up perfectly: She Believed She Couldn’t. It seems that we parents are very good at convincing ourselves that we’re failing.
Because we listen to lies
The lies of a pervasive and far too active voice. One that screams throughout our parenting days, “You can’t do it!” “You’re a bad mom, too impatient, too hard (or too easy), too nagging, and you even set a bad example. You can’t do it! You’ll never be a good mother and your children will be a mess.”
This false voice continually tries to convince us that we should – but never will be – the perfect mom. And you know what? It’s right!
Perfect moms don’t exist
We can never be the Perfect Mom — because she doesn’t exist. And we can never raise perfect kids — because they don’t exist.
I wasn’t and still am not a perfect mom; far from it. And I don’t have perfect kids either. I know I could have done better, and I often think, “If I could only go back and do it all over again, I would change so many things.”
I’d certainly try to be more patient. I would have admitted when I’m wrong, and asked for their forgiveness. I would have told them more often “You’re great (and they are), and I love you so much!”
But even though I didn’t get it everything right, that deceitful voice speaks less and less as time goes on. And that’s because I’ve learned how to respond to it. “You’re wrong,” I tell it, “because we didn’t do that bad!”
And as you watch your children grow into wonderful people, you can answer that voice too! Look at what you’re doing right. And shout out these proofs to silence those accusations once and for all!
Shout out truths like these:
I may not be the perfect mother, but…
- My kids are wonderful people to know.
- They are good friends to have.
- They’re wise, intelligent and try to make wise decisions.
- They’re responsible, law-abiding citizens who contribute to the greater good.
- And most of all, they’re kind loving people who care and try to help others.
I didn’t always have an immaculate home or gourmet meals. I yelled when I shouldn’t have. I often expected too much from little people who were still learning and growing. I didn’t show as much love and approval as I should have.
You can’t be the nonexistent Perfect Mom
So stop beating yourself up about it. Focus on what you’re doing well. Not that you ignore failures or stop trying to improve. Make things right, and then move on. And remind yourself every once in a while of what you’re doing right!
We can’t give our kids everything. But then, they don’t need that anyway. And we can’t be everything for them, because only God can do that. But we can try to always be there for them and to guide them on the right path – even after they’ve grown up.
Oh, and that voice?
When it reminds me how impatient I’ve been – I remind it of how patient I’ve become! When it points out that I didn’t affirm my children as much as I should have – I remind it that I’m making up for lost time. And that I have the rest of my life to do a better job and make my past mistakes right – both with my kids and grandkids!
Silence that voice – because you’re probably doing better than you think!
We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves.
Henry Ward Beecher
📷 Image credits; family on path; balloons; happy family
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